Mars is Zane Jackson
Have you heard the news?
No, not what's happening in Japan, Libya, the upcoming royal wedding or the public spat between Julia Gillard and Bob Brown.
I mean the big news. Delta Goodrem and Brian McFadden's split.
Seriously, we all saw it coming.
She is a good-looking, seemingly nice Aussie girl. He is arguably the biggest tool in our fair land.
I say arguably because I'm sure he would argue the point, but I don't think many others would.
And this brings me to my point. How do you tell someone they are dating a stooge?
It can be hard, especially if the person you desperately want to tell is a friend or family member.
Back to our original example of Delta and Brian. All one of Delta's mates had to do was hand her one of his CDs with a sticky note on it saying, "you are dating THIS BLOKE". Easy.
But that doesn't work for most of us. So what do we do?
This is one of those occasions where being honest might be the best way to go.
Just bite the bullet and tell them.
The only bad thing that could come of it is that you'll lose a friend or family member, which only means fewer birthdays and special occasions to remember.
Venus is Fallon Hudson
Like any woman, Delta Goodrem is probably going through a bit of lull after her break-up with Brian McFadden.
She has smashed every photo where they looked happy, can't stop singing her song My Big Mistake, and hopefully shaken that fake half poomie, half Aussie accent she has.
Who am I kidding?
Most likely she is at her piano pouring out her feelings on the keys, hoping this is her ticket to achieving the same success as her debut album - fat chance.
Zane makes a valid point. How do you tell someone that the person they are dating is a bit of a tool, a joke, or just not good enough for them?
It is easier said than done to tell your friend, "You are dating a Brian McFadden."
I am of the belief that when it comes to other halves, it is best to sometimes keep your opinion to yourself.
In most cases, friends and family members will eventually work out they are batting below their average and make a run for the hills, or they will marry 'a McFadden' and every time you hang out you will be constantly drinking to numb the pain.
When it comes to dating stooges, maybe it's best to sit back and watch the comedy and drama unfold, and be there for your friend when they toss the tool bag out.
Venus and Mars is a weekly humour column written by Zane Jackson and Fallon Hudson.