Lifestyle

Royal wedding a royal pain

Venus and Mars are Zane Jackson and Fallon Hudson.
Venus and Mars are Zane Jackson and Fallon Hudson.

Venus is Fallon Hudson

To be honest, the most freaky thing to come out of the anticipation of the royal wedding for me is that Kate Middleton has been immortalised in plastic.

Yep, she now has her own doll and to make the situation worse, someone actually had the time to take the doll all around London and take photos.

There she was on the tube, at a Mr Whippy ice-cream van, in a phone booth and at the Tower of London.

If I was to see someone carrying a doll of Kate Middleton, I would suggest off with their head.

Seriously, it is just the marriage of two people who want to spend the rest of their lives together.  End of story.

I think Prince William should run to Las Vegas with Kate and be married by a king - I am talking Elvis, baby.

I am a woman, who hopes to get married, but I could not care about this wedding, or what she wears, or will the couple share a public kiss on the balcony of Buckingham Palace, like Prince Charles and Princess Diana did?

The royal family are boring and wealthy and that is what the wedding will be - boring if you decide to tune in with a cup of Earl Grey and a crumpet.

What might keep me entertained is if the Kate Middleton doll turns up instead.

Mars is Zane Jackson

Like most blokes, I simply can't wait for the upcoming royal wedding.

For it to be over, that is.

The only good thing about a wedding that isn't your own is hitting up the free bar at the reception and seeing embarrassing dads and other family members dancing like it's the 1970s still.

But we get none of that with Prince William and Kate Middleton.

Kate Middleton already stalks me when I walk into my local newsagency. Her face is plastered on the front of every woman's magazine imaginable.

If it is, like I fear, going to be shown live on most TV networks, there are a couple of ways us guys can make it bearable.

One way is to turn it into a drinking game. For the beginners, maybe take a good gulp every time Kate's dress is mentioned.

For the hardcore, take a drink every time "Prince William" is mentioned. Another way is to see how Kate stacks up on the day and compare her to Princes Diana. At the same age, who would have been better looking?

Both have their attractive qualities so that question is sure to raise some good friendly debate.

It might be insensitive, but so is subjecting us poor guys to all this royal wedding malarkey.

Venus and Mars is a weekly humour column by Fallon Hudson and Zane Jackson.

Topics:  opinion


Stay Connected

Update your news preferences and get the latest news delivered to your inbox.

Ready to fight fire ignorance

A past bushfire along Eumundi Rd fuelled by strong northerly winds.

Eumundi fire risk workshop

Beyond 30s giving hope

Life Beyond 30 founder Wendy Wilson - in need of a helping hand.

Noosa helper needs help

Latest deals and offers

High acclaim for Cooroy's Long Tan tribute

Cooroy's Long Tan tribute may go on road

Ready to fight fire ignorance

A past bushfire along Eumundi Rd fuelled by strong northerly winds.

Eumundi fire risk workshop

Beyond 30s giving hope

Life Beyond 30 founder Wendy Wilson - in need of a helping hand.

Noosa helper needs help

Skuse's surprise G-G medal

Governor General Sir Peter Cosgrove makes a special award to Pam Skuse of Mision Mexico.

Former Noosa couple honoured

Celebrate craft beer on Saturday

The Noosa Craft Beer Festival is back tomorrow

73 live acts in festival teaser

Acts to play five venues over eight weeks

VIDEO: What did Thor do during Captain America: Civil War?

Short explains why Thor wasn't in Civil War film.

Hilarious mockumentary features star of the film Chris Hemsworth

Meet Toowoomba's top exotic dancer

WINNERS ARE GRINNERS: Exotic dancers (from left) Alice Morgan, Celeste and Frenchie are heading to the United States after competing in Miss Vault 2017.

Dancers vie for top spot at Toowoomba's only strip club

That's a wrap: Gympie Muster celebrates 35 years in style

Caitlyn Shadbolt performs at the Muster Club on Sunday August 28 at the Gympie Muster.

Country music festival blessed with great weather and bumper crowds

Julia and Sasha top The Block's leaderboard

Julia and Sasha in their winning master en-suite in a scene from The Block.

FIRST room reveals of the season deliver mixed results.

Muster fans disappointed after US comedian cuts show short

American country music comedian Rodney Carrington will play the Gympie Muster this weekend.

RODNEY Carrington performed about a third of his show last night.

The race to save Music on Kings' Cirque de la Opera

Cirque de Opera will be a spectacular event if it comes to Caloundra. The event organiser needs your help to make it a reality.

Every dollar counts in the race to save unique event

Don't fence us in: Boomers keep housing options open

White Picket Fence

No one-size-fits all solution for retiree housing, expert says

Why 93-year-old 'bachelor' Paul prefers to keep his pad

Paul Pariscos.  Photo: John McCutcheon / Sunshine Coast Daily

Paul Pariscos calls his unit at Maroochydore a bachelor pad

Is this the Coast's finest real estate?

These houses are nothing short of amazing.

Check out the photos of homes that few of us know anything about

Pat Rafter isn't the only star selling up

STAR: Pat Rafter.

Can you guess who else is going to the market in Noosa?

REVEALED: Pat Rafter's $18m Coast house on the market

Check out the photos of the Coast's most expensive property for sale

The "correction we had to have" in Gladstone's rentals

UPWARD MARCH: The rental vacancy rate in Gladstone has improved for the first time in more than a year, providing a confidence boost in the market.

Vacancy rates improve with signs that things are getting betterF