Lifestyle

Wolverine and the soccer mum

IT'S not easy being one of the walking wounded. Leave the house wearing an eye patch or a neck brace, nursing a bandaged arm or limping along on crutches and people feel free to ask how you incurred the injury. Well that's fine if you got the injury doing something impressive or exciting.

There's no embarrassment in saying, "Oh it's nothing, the puncture marks in my leg are from arguing with a great white shark who wanted to take a chunk out of my surfboard" or "I broke my wrist hang-gliding".

These explanations will get you instant respect and admiration. These are the kind of stories told and retold in bars and in bowling clubs and school yards throughout the nation. These types of injuries are badges of honour, the stuff of urban legends. But just try telling people you're the victim of a hair straightening incident that went horribly wrong and watch all the sympathy (and your cool factor) fly right out the window.

Yep, the truth is out. The big, ugly, shocking-red welt sitting smack bang in the middle of my forehead, that it seems everyone in the entire state felt obliged to comment on this week, was not the result of me head butting my teenage son (tempting as that can be sometimes) but from an attempt by me to style my hair.

I'm under no illusions here, I do know my limits when it comes to my abilities with my crowning glory, there's a long and quietly disturbing history involving me and hair styling stuff.

In the 80s it took me almost half the decade to work out how to use hot rollers and just when I got the hang of them everyone had already moved on to crimpers. In 1995 I single-handedly proved the "Toni Never-Fail Home Hair Perm" was a fraudulent claim and as for my flair with hair gel? Well, let's just say I still firmly believe the hairstyle I accidentally created to wear to my best friend's wedding was the inspiration for the punk movement.

But using a hair straightener? Seriously, how hard could it be? Of course I totally blame Meg Ryan for giving me courage to try yet another hair appliance. I should never have watched the movie rerun of Kate and Leopold starring her and Hugh Jackman - terrible movie, great hair.

For those of you who are hair straightener virgins, it's an electrical appliance that works like a big flat pair of barbecue tongs. According to the instructions (which I didn't read in their entirety) the idea is to slowly pass the hair from root to tip through the poker-hot paddle bits to end up with dead straight, free flowing tresses. It all sounds good in theory but like most things in life, the practical application and end results are a world away from the instructions and the expectations.

After plugging in the hair straightener it didn't take long for the fun and games to begin - starting with the smell of singed hair. And somehow sadly predictable, after 20 minutes in the bathroom I was looking more like Mop Ryan than Meg Ryan with the very real possibility of being scarred for life.

So if anybody else asks about my injury I'll be kicking up my story a few notches. I'll be using words like extreme styling and third degree facial burn and Hugh Jackman wants me for his leading lady in his next movie - Wolverine and the slightly disfigured soccer mum.

Topics:  hair and beauty, humour, op, wendy's world


Stay Connected

Update your news preferences and get the latest news delivered to your inbox.

Ready to fight fire ignorance

A past bushfire along Eumundi Rd fuelled by strong northerly winds.

Eumundi fire risk workshop

Beyond 30s giving hope

Life Beyond 30 founder Wendy Wilson - in need of a helping hand.

Noosa helper needs help

Latest deals and offers

High acclaim for Cooroy's Long Tan tribute

Cooroy's Long Tan tribute may go on road

Ready to fight fire ignorance

A past bushfire along Eumundi Rd fuelled by strong northerly winds.

Eumundi fire risk workshop

Beyond 30s giving hope

Life Beyond 30 founder Wendy Wilson - in need of a helping hand.

Noosa helper needs help

Skuse's surprise G-G medal

Governor General Sir Peter Cosgrove makes a special award to Pam Skuse of Mision Mexico.

Former Noosa couple honoured

Celebrate craft beer on Saturday

The Noosa Craft Beer Festival is back tomorrow

73 live acts in festival teaser

Acts to play five venues over eight weeks

Tom Hiddleston's Instagram account hacked

Actor Tom Hiddleston

Thor star the latest celebrity targetted by hackers

Charlize Theron's son dresses up as Frozen character

Actor Charlize Theron

Star's son spotted dressed a beloved Frozen character

BOOKS: Food for thought in Caroline Beecham's latest novel

Maggie's Kitchen by Caroline Beecham is published by Allen & Unwin, RRP $29.99.

New novel reminds readers that bravery exists in many forms

TELEVISION: New show is a Survivor, for now

Jonathan LaPaglia hosts the TV series Australian Survivor.

WHAT happens when a new show with a big budget flops?

Rachel Weisz understands celebrity gossip fascination

Actor Rachel Weisz

Weisz says mystery is good for an actor

Gina Rodriguez relished dramatic change for new film

Jane the Virgin lead Gina Rodriguez

TV star shaved her hair for movie role

Don't fence us in: Boomers keep housing options open

White Picket Fence

No one-size-fits all solution for retiree housing, expert says

Why 93-year-old 'bachelor' Paul prefers to keep his pad

Paul Pariscos.  Photo: John McCutcheon / Sunshine Coast Daily

Paul Pariscos calls his unit at Maroochydore a bachelor pad

Is this the Coast's finest real estate?

These houses are nothing short of amazing.

Check out the photos of homes that few of us know anything about

Pat Rafter isn't the only star selling up

STAR: Pat Rafter.

Can you guess who else is going to the market in Noosa?

REVEALED: Pat Rafter's $18m Coast house on the market

Check out the photos of the Coast's most expensive property for sale

The "correction we had to have" in Gladstone's rentals

UPWARD MARCH: The rental vacancy rate in Gladstone has improved for the first time in more than a year, providing a confidence boost in the market.

Vacancy rates improve with signs that things are getting betterF