Lifestyle

Wolverine and the soccer mum

IT'S not easy being one of the walking wounded. Leave the house wearing an eye patch or a neck brace, nursing a bandaged arm or limping along on crutches and people feel free to ask how you incurred the injury. Well that's fine if you got the injury doing something impressive or exciting.

There's no embarrassment in saying, "Oh it's nothing, the puncture marks in my leg are from arguing with a great white shark who wanted to take a chunk out of my surfboard" or "I broke my wrist hang-gliding".

These explanations will get you instant respect and admiration. These are the kind of stories told and retold in bars and in bowling clubs and school yards throughout the nation. These types of injuries are badges of honour, the stuff of urban legends. But just try telling people you're the victim of a hair straightening incident that went horribly wrong and watch all the sympathy (and your cool factor) fly right out the window.

Yep, the truth is out. The big, ugly, shocking-red welt sitting smack bang in the middle of my forehead, that it seems everyone in the entire state felt obliged to comment on this week, was not the result of me head butting my teenage son (tempting as that can be sometimes) but from an attempt by me to style my hair.

I'm under no illusions here, I do know my limits when it comes to my abilities with my crowning glory, there's a long and quietly disturbing history involving me and hair styling stuff.

In the 80s it took me almost half the decade to work out how to use hot rollers and just when I got the hang of them everyone had already moved on to crimpers. In 1995 I single-handedly proved the "Toni Never-Fail Home Hair Perm" was a fraudulent claim and as for my flair with hair gel? Well, let's just say I still firmly believe the hairstyle I accidentally created to wear to my best friend's wedding was the inspiration for the punk movement.

But using a hair straightener? Seriously, how hard could it be? Of course I totally blame Meg Ryan for giving me courage to try yet another hair appliance. I should never have watched the movie rerun of Kate and Leopold starring her and Hugh Jackman - terrible movie, great hair.

For those of you who are hair straightener virgins, it's an electrical appliance that works like a big flat pair of barbecue tongs. According to the instructions (which I didn't read in their entirety) the idea is to slowly pass the hair from root to tip through the poker-hot paddle bits to end up with dead straight, free flowing tresses. It all sounds good in theory but like most things in life, the practical application and end results are a world away from the instructions and the expectations.

After plugging in the hair straightener it didn't take long for the fun and games to begin - starting with the smell of singed hair. And somehow sadly predictable, after 20 minutes in the bathroom I was looking more like Mop Ryan than Meg Ryan with the very real possibility of being scarred for life.

So if anybody else asks about my injury I'll be kicking up my story a few notches. I'll be using words like extreme styling and third degree facial burn and Hugh Jackman wants me for his leading lady in his next movie - Wolverine and the slightly disfigured soccer mum.

Topics:  hair and beauty, humour, op, wendy's world


Stay Connected

Update your news preferences and get the latest news delivered to your inbox.

MP and Mayor tuck into 'meaty issues'

Noosa MP Glen Elmes and Mayor Tony Wellington.

Noosa MP and Mayor's tasty meeting

Be fabulous with the Queens this long weekend

QUEEN BEE: Melony Brests brings you an evening of razzling, dazzling fabulousness this long weekend at the Noosa Arts Theatre.

Join local icon Melony Brests for a fabulous show this long weekend

Peregian littlies have big hearts for the homeless

HELPERS: C and K Peregian Springs Kindergarten pupils started a donation basket for the homeless. Archie is pictured here with a recreation of Orange Sky Laundry.

Peregian Springs kindy kids start a donation basket for the homeless

Local Partners

Future for Cambodian kids shaped by Noosa gifts

Noosa asked to help poor students by former councillor

Fresh bid for market in Cooroy

The Noosa Farmers markets are a model for the new Cooroy concept.

Cooroy markets pitch

MP and Mayor tuck into 'meaty issues'

Noosa MP Glen Elmes and Mayor Tony Wellington.

Noosa MP and Mayor's tasty meeting

Be fabulous with the Queens this long weekend

QUEEN BEE: Melony Brests brings you an evening of razzling, dazzling fabulousness this long weekend at the Noosa Arts Theatre.

Join local icon Melony Brests for a fabulous show this long weekend

Peregian littlies have big hearts for the homeless

HELPERS: C and K Peregian Springs Kindergarten pupils started a donation basket for the homeless. Archie is pictured here with a recreation of Orange Sky Laundry.

Peregian Springs kindy kids start a donation basket for the homeless

Noosa surf lifesaver dives in to graduate position

TOP JOB: James Ghent has landed a graduate position with Arup.

USC student lands position with top engineering firm.

Capturing our Noosa from high

NEW LOOK: Local photographer Dave Gleeson's work can be seen on a Melbourne tram.

Dave Gleeson's freelance photography has taken off

Blessing of the Pets to be held in Coolum

TRULY BLESSED: The Rev Dr Cathy Laufer and Cassie get ready for the Blessing of the Pets.

All creatures great and small welcome

Musicians tune up for Caloundra Music Festival

BIG DAY: Sunshine Coast musician Mason Hope will take the stage on Saturday.

It's here! The Coast's biggest music event of the year starts Friday

Carlos Santana added to Bluesfest 2017 line up

Carlos Santana at Bluesfest 2013.

Calling all local black magic women

The Dixie Chicks to headline 2017 CMC Rocks festival

US country music group The Dixie Chicks.

ORGANISERS move festival dates to lock in US country music stars.

What's on the big screen this week

Denzel Washington in a scene from the movie The Magnificent Seven.

DENZEL Washington returns in a shoot-em-up Western.

Our funny bachelor bows out

The Bachelorette contestant Aaron Brady from Golden Beach. Supplied by Channel 10.

COAST marketing executive eliminated from The Bachelorette.

6 top tips for getting approved for a rental property

Follow these top tips to better your chances.

Real estate agent shares what you can do to get approved to rent

$40million hotel, shops development project for Mackay

Mt Pleasant hotel and retirement accommodation, proposed at 194-202 Malcomson St.

$40m development to take Mackay to 'the next level'

Property 200m from ocean selling for just over $100K

BEACHCOMBER PARK: Work has started on a new $19.2 million development at Toogoom.

The estate's developer is offering huge discounts for early buyers.

UPDATE: Former rodeo champ's sale rained out, now back on

Larkhill local Ken Consiglio is having an auction of most of the things on his property.

'People kept showing up and we had to turn them away'

First stages of $25 million housing development underway

New development on Madsen Rd - The Springs.

The blocks of land are much bigger than usual

Couple build their own 'tiny house' for $45k

Holly Bowen and Oli Bucher built their "tiny house" themselves, only hiring a plumber and an electrician. Photo/supplied

The house, which is built on a trailer and can be towed.