HAUNTING: The king cobra.
HAUNTING: The king cobra. Ben Beaden / Australia Zoo

Careful what you watch before bed

OPINION: I READ somewhere that the last thing you read or think about before bed is what you'll dream about.

I'm not sure how true it is and my scientific credentials are about as strong as a Harvey Weinstein consent guide.

But I reckon there has to be some truth to it.

Monday night I was about to hit the hay when I decided to have a quick flick through Facebook.

The hope was to laugh at a few mindless memes and get to bed.

But a colleague had shared an incredible image of a king cobra and a reticulated python locked in a struggle to the death.

It was incredible.

The cobra, the world's longest, most venomous snake, had been trying to catch and kill the python.

Now according to this image caption, the reticulated python grows to be the longest snake in the world.

The cobra had bitten off far more than it could chew, and the python had strangled the cobra to death.

Not before the cobra could inflict its deadly venom and the pair were found locked in an almost romantic embrace, both dead.

I was fascinated by the image.

But hours later that image horrified me.

The ensuing night's sleep consisted of three, two-hour stints, all featuring the same recurring dream.

I was at work, in the office, standard day.

But instead of a colleague's head I could see bobbing up among the partitions I saw the head of a massive king cobra.

And it was angry.

I spent the next six hours in my mind, running for my life around the office from this snake hell bent on killing me.

It ignored my colleagues, who were sitting calmly at their seats continuing with the work day, and continued to pursue me like Peter Dutton relentlessly tracking a Middle Eastern tourist, ready to pounce.

During the third stint someone managed to break the snake's back with a computer and all was well again, as I woke fearing a king cobra was in my house, making its way towards my partner and daughter.

Thankfully the fog of sleep descended upon me briefly and I was able to catch a few winks.

The dog was pretty happy about it too, as I'd been making all sorts of noise.

So with that evidence I declare the urban myth to be 100 per cent true and warn you all to be very careful with your pre-bed thoughts.

I wonder what the likes of some of our fearless leaders dream about?

Mr Turnbull must think about jobs and growth, or a massive knife preparing to embed itself in his back.

Mr Abbott must be all about the three Bs. Budgey smugglers, burqas and the bloody gays.

Mr Shorten must be dreaming of quicksand, as he watches the polls turn around and the throne slipping through his fingers.

Sleep easy, friends.


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