Just what every set upon dad needs on his special day.
Just what every set upon dad needs on his special day.

Happy Dad’s Day, make the most of it...

So happy Dad’s Day to all you furrowed brow blokes out there who have everything, including a world of troubles, riding on their shoulders and very little to show for it.

As as the song goes, another day older and deeper in debt. Well do I have the perfect Father’s Day gift for you. It’s the Demtel All Purpose Remote Wonder Wand.

This little beauty comes in its own stubby holder protective cover and combines all the functions of a remote control for your “smart” household appliances including the dumb TV most of us watch when we can’t be bothered bingeing.

The Wonder Wand uses the latest 5G microwave technology to disappear all your daily annoyances and irritants.

That shock jock slavering away on redneck radio always playing loud and proud at the annoying next door neighbour’s radio, well, just press the delete button on your DAPRWW and zappo, he’s history. That’s the last you’ll hear of him.

And that neighbour on the other side who is always up at 6am on a Sunday starting up his leaf blower which makes the mating call of a jumbo jet, all you do is point the remote to remove. Either just the blower or you can press the “pest extraction” button and your sleep-ins will never be interrupted again. You just may have to answer some awkward questions from the police for a while about how no one has seen blower man for two weeks.

And for watching the Sunday arvo’s the match of the day, by popular request we have a Gus Goose button. Just click and the most annoying NRL commentator in history is removed. Yes Gus’s goose will be cooked for good and you can again listen to the match rather than lip read with your remote on mute.

We also have a special portable car remote assessory, so when you are being tailgated or some idiot refuses to give way to you on the roundabout, just point and zappo and the road is clear.

But wait there’s more.

For just a few extra dollars we’ll throw in our life-size Demtel Dummy Husband Bobble Head. Just email us a headhsot of yourself and within three working days we will discreetly deliver to your door, a cranial facsimile of you which can be attached to your favourite armchair. We’ll also need a brief voice recording to synthesise your speech patterns.

As your partner usually only sees the back of your head as he or she tends to all the domestic duties you always somehow seem to overlook, it will pass muster. Just set the bobble head function in motion and you can walk away to whatever you fancy safe in the knowledge that you own bobble head will be covering for you by nodding in special time motion sequences and saying: “Yes dear”, “You don’t say”, “Fascinating”, “Well I never”, “You have a point there” and 12 other basic responses ensure you stay in the good books even though you may have snuck off to the pub. Order now without delay.

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