MY SAY: Yes, I will gladly accept that rose
I AM currently obsessed with the U.S. season of The Bachelorette.
(Yes, I realise literally every reader of this column just collectively groaned. I'm surprisingly okay with it).
This masterpiece of a television series airs on Tuesday nights on 9 Life, a quality channel I probably would not know existed had it not been for this exemplary program.
So with Pokemon Go, Tinder, selfie sticks and finally The Bachelor, I think I've fully erased any last vestige of hope remaining for my generation and can now freely detail my love of this franchise, which knows no bounds.
I have watched The Bachelor and Bachelor-related shows since I was about 13, which is definitely not an impressionable age at all. My parents raised me right, giving me knowledge of complicated concepts like love and heartbreak via the best source: a dating show. And, I mean, I turned out fine, right?
Sometimes I feel ashamed to admit I love The Bachelor and Bachelorette. It is the definition of trashy reality TV. If you aren't familiar with the show's premise, firstly I feel deeply sorry for you, but let me give you a brief rundown.
A lone bachelor or bachelorette starts their "journey to love" (real phrase) by meeting around 25 suitors of the opposite sex.
Contestants are set up on contrived dates with the lead, usually involving helicopter travel and deserted islands, two things we all experience in normal dating life.
The pool of singles is narrowed down through excruciating rose ceremonies, where the lead hands out roses one-by-one. Those without a rose are unceremoniously booted out.
Those remaining are poked and prodded by off-camera producers until through sheer annoyance at least three or four finally profess their undying love for the lead after knowing him or her for a total of about two months.
I have a theory about The Bachelor. There is about 10% of the audience who watches the show seriously.
I am not one of that 10%.
I watch The Bachelor for one reason: to laugh at it.
The producers of the show are fully aware of this fact, of course. That's why every season they cast at least a couple of crazy contestants who are given a rose week after week because they're entertaining.
The popularity of The Bachelor shouldn't be a cause of despair. You can be assured that most young women aren't watching the show because they subscribe to the idea that you can find eternal love on television.
We're watching it because we are better than that.
Because laughing at it shows how ridiculous and antiquated many of the concepts are.
In other news, the Australian version of The Bachelor is back on July 28. I am counting down the days.