DON'T GO THERE: Sudden contact from an ex is a recipe for trouble.
DON'T GO THERE: Sudden contact from an ex is a recipe for trouble. iStock

Never a good idea to reopen the ex files

DEAR guy I used to date 20 years ago:

Please don't contact me after two decades and ask if we can "catch up”.

What is that? A delayed booty call? A trip down memory lane? A "what if”, "if only”, "the one that got away” kind of thing?

I suspect the first but I'm older and wiser now and I choose to pass on this, er, unique dating opportunity.

I know Hollywood movies are full of the kind of scenarios where long-lost lovers suddenly meet up after years apart and boom! Happiness ever after.

But, for starters, if I was interested, I would never have dumped you in the first place.

Secondly, I no longer have the time or energy to tell someone I haven't seen for 20years what's gone on since then.

And, lastly, I am a different person now. I am not looking for a bad boy who is good for a night on the town.

There are exceptions to this no-contact policy, of course. If you'd like to leave me something in your will, get in touch.

If you feel you must apologise for the time you cheated on me, got drunk and threw up on the carpet, or left your sunglasses on through my entire birthday dinner in a romantic restaurant, and you want to leave me something in your will, please call.

If you have suddenly realised you behaved really badly and I was the most wonderful woman in the world and you'd like to leave me something in your will, get in touch.

If, however, you are still the guy you were 20 years ago, with zero emotional growth, for everyone's sake, put your texting finger away.

You may disagree with this if you are one of those people who think that rebound relationships, or sleeping with your ex, can result in something good.

But what I say is you can't go back and you shouldn't. Always forward. Without the rose-coloured glasses. Especially where relationships are concerned.

It's tough out there and you need to be clear-eyed and goal-orientated if you're after a relationship that will work.

I know you have Facebook and Twitter and Find My Friend. But just don't, OK?

Helen Hawkes is a UNIFAM-qualified counsellor and life coach. Helenhawkes.org


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