THERE'S a demanding level of translation required to understand media statements that come out of the Queensland Police Service.

So how can you suck the most marrow from the bones thrown to you by our blue-draped masters? Follow this simple guide to what they're really saying.

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Incident

Anything from a dented car to Indonesia invading.

Allegedly

We don't pay our lawyers nearly enough to give you a solid answer.

Threatened

What we call it when the bad guys promise to bash someone's mum.

Sustained injuries

Injuries that don't magically disappear.

Complied with demands

Didn't go into a meth-induced fit.

Injuries

Anything up to cuts and bruises.

Serious injuries

Injuries we really shouldn't be making fun of.

Critical injuries

There's most likely a charity dedicated to this kind of thing.

Life-threatening injuries

There's a promotion here if we can find someone to blame.

Attempted to avoid police

Didn't.

Dangerous operation of a vehicle

Anything from braking too quickly to building a bomb with it.

Failure to appear in accordance with undertaking

Didn't rock up to court.

Forensic Crash Unit

Used when the media are going to ask questions.

Ethical Standards Command will oversee the investigation

We may have done the wrong thing but we're not quite sure yet.

Police would like to speak with

Police would like to arrest.

Is helping police with investigations

Wink, wink, nudge, nudge

Person of interest

The one we're hoping to arrest

Youths

See Person of interest

Suspicious Activity

Comes before helping police with investigations

Random Traffic Stop

Police officers are now targeting ...

The officer operated within guidelines

The officer was videotaped being a bit rough