Entertainment

The sexiest MKR challenge yet

Courtney and Valerie have these expressions for a good reason.
Courtney and Valerie have these expressions for a good reason. Channel 7

IT'S time for sauce.

Tonight's challenge on MKR is to make a sauce worth bottling, and it's sexy as all get-out. Suitably, Curtis Stone pushes out some stubble and heads to Coles, Melbourne's erotic epicentre, to be a guest judge.

Down down, undies are down.
Down down, undies are down. Channel 7

"I've been working for Coles for seven years and they've never put my sauce in a bottle" says Curtis, a testament to Coles' high hygiene standards. He goes on to reveal that today's winners will have their sauce sold nationwide, information that sends a ripple of excitement through the teams.

Keeping with the saucy theme, it seems fair to rank the teams in order of sexiness as they launch into a frenzied orgy of sauce production. Starting with:

10. MELL & CYN

"Normally we want to show a little bit of sophistication in our food" Mell says at the beginning of the challenge. "But today we have to cook for normal people" Cyn adds, misquoting Jarvis Cocker.

There's nothing sexy at all about looking down on people. The hoi class ladies don't eat sugar, but make a sickly sweet sauce because "the shoppers love it".

You know what else they love? Watching you make broad assumptions and then lose.

9. BRETT & MARIE

For their tomato-ey veal and sausage sauce, the competition's beigest couple uses a recipe from Marie's nonna. Very, very few things are less sexy than the phrase "grandma's sauce".

8. MARK & CHRIS

You're in trouble when you're in a cooking competition, but you're best known for laughing at your own dumb jokes. Mark and Chris make a semi-decent duck with spiced orange sauce, but they also put their food safety baseball caps on backwards which, unbeknown to most people wearing backwards baseball caps, loses big sexy points.

Enjoy your ducking lunch, lady.
Enjoy your ducking lunch, lady. Channel 7

Frankly the only reason they're even this high on the list is because they keep saying "breast".

7. BETTY & DAVID

As consistently friend-zoned David is well aware, sexiness is limited when you're cooking Betty's mother's peanut satay sauce, but that's not to say that no tingly feelings are stirring in anyone's peanuts. David admits to "fangirling" over Curtis Stone, and when the chef visits their station to sample their very excellent sauce, David saves the spoon.

"I'm gonna sell this spoon on eBay, Curtis Stone licked it!" he exclaims excitedly.

6. VALERIE & COURTNEY

OK, this is getting awkward, but you have to admit Valerie and Courtney's deeply spicy food is sexy as hell. Granted, they're making an Anglo-Indian sauce from a departed relative's recipe book, but they do it with so much sincere passion, and wearing so many animal-print kaftans, that this face is totally warranted:

It’s getting hot in here, so take off all your cloves.
It’s getting hot in here, so take off all your cloves. Channel 7

5. JOSH & AMY

Josh badly wants his face on a bottle, and violent fantasies aside, he's probably the only one. His main contribution to the peri peri sauce seems to be overcooking chicken and criticising his wife.

"You're obviously doing something wrong" he tells Amy when her tortilla is dry and unresponsive.

Amy's irritation with her husband becomes more and more evident as he barks orders at her while ruining their dish, so it's no surprise that when Curtis visits and starts a friendly conversation, you can visibly see Amy's capillaries open. She's just not used to a man treating her like a human being.

Josh, uncomfortable with seeing his wife happy, tells her to get back to work.

Shut up, Josh.

4. COURTNEY & DUNCAN

It's impossible not to love Court and Dunk just a little bit, especially when they make a buttery, lemony sage sauce. They're supportive of each other in the most adorable way, especially when they misjudge their sous-vide water bath temperature and overcook their meat, something that happens in every relationship eventually.

Their sauce doesn't cut the mustard, but there are only a few things sexier than Colin Fassnidge asking a lady to squeeze her husband's bag of pork.

3. AMY & TYSON

Fried chicken with gravy is, in anyone's language, extremely sexy.

It doesn't win any competitions, but Amy describes it as thick and creamy, which shoots her and Tyson up to the pointy end of the list. I didn't even take points off for Amy's backwards baseball cap, because I figured a little part of her died when she had to wear it, so she's suffered enough.

MC Stockpot on the wheels of steel.
MC Stockpot on the wheels of steel. Channel 7

2. KAREN & ROS

Karen and Ros make pork crackling. I hear they also make a sauce, but who cares, because Karen and Ros make pork crackling, the most arousing of all cracklings.

Not only that, Kyle offers to help them cut the crackling off their pork. A man putting the needs of others before his own in the presence of pig meat. I may need a moment to myself.

He just looked at the pork and it undressed itself.
He just looked at the pork and it undressed itself. Channel 7

1. TIM & KYLE

While we're on Kyle, hands up who wants to be on Kyle? Tim is nice and all, but he's competing with an eight-foot hairy mountain man, so Tim knows he's only there for cooking skills and conversation.

The boys make steak with mushroom sauce, which doesn't even matter, because Kyle talks about letting Tim touch his meat, and Kyle is literally salt bae.

As judging reaches its natural climax, Courtney and Valerie win people's choice, Court, Dunk, Mell and Cyn go to sudden death, and Colin drinks a cup of gravy.

He doesn’t even spit it out.
He doesn’t even spit it out. Channel 7

I'm spent, but I could probably watch another episode in fifteen or twenty minutes.

Jo Thornely is a writer who loves it when you explain her jokes back to her on Twitter. Follow her @JoThornely

News Corp Australia

Topics:  channel 7 my kitchen rules television


Stay Connected

Update your news preferences and get the latest news delivered to your inbox.

Students learn there's more to a career in the force

ON THE BEAT: Students tried a police career on for size when Pomona Sergeant Dan McNamara visited Noosa District State High School.

Pomona officer serves the harsh realities of a career in the police

Walking to a cure for Dravet Syndrome

HOPE: Jasmin, 13, suffers from Dravet Syndrome, a condition experts need funds to research.

Loving mother organises a fundraiser walk for rare condition

Young talent serve the future of hospitality

Wasabi waiter and waiter of the year finalist Lara Graham, 22.

Noosa girl Lara Graham a finalist in Appetite for Excellence awards

Local Partners

OSCAR-winning welcome

Mr Smith comes to Noosa Council to see how we do it

Jemma's bewitching voice

STAGE PRESENCE: Suzie Mathers and Jemma Rix in a scene from Wicked The Musical.

Wicked musical theatre star Jemma Rix has released her debut album.

This laughter yoga video will have you in fits of giggles

BEST MEDICINE: Karen Flannery is spreading happiness through laughter throughout Hervey Bay.

New members needed for a laughing good time

Dancers show off skills at Toowoomba Eisteddfod

Milla Rowbotham and Rebecca Gill from All Star Dance Academy .Toowoomba Eisteddfod, Empire Theatre. August 2017

Poems and dances dominated the 72nd City of Toowoomba Eisteddfod

Swedish TV drama turns up heat

Farang turns crime drama genre on its head and explores complex relationship of dad and daughter

Aboriginal artists' call to action

Anwar Young, winner of this year's overall prize and last year's young artist prize.

Important messages of survival and healing

Radio host Matt Okine leaps to small screen

Valene Kane, Matt Okine and Harriet Dyer star in the TV series The Other Guy.

First foray into acting a long time in the making

Hollywood’s new highest paid actress

Jennifer Lawrence had to settle for third this year behind Emma Stone and Jennifer Aniston.

CAN you guess who has dethroned Jennifer Lawrence?

Movie trailer dubbed too racy for TV

Alicia Vikander stars in Tulip Fever.

THE trailer for Tulip Fever is so saucy some networks have banned it

Liz Hurley, 52, has never looked better

She’s definitely not shy to pose in a bikini.

Life in your 50s has never looked as good as it does on Liz Hurley.

Big Bang Theory star spills details about Season 11

Mayim Bialik plays Amy Farrah Fowler on The Big Bang Theory.

MAYIM Bialik has shared some details about what fans can expect.

EXPLAINED: What the 'Costco effect' means for Ipswich

PRICE WARS: A Costco store similar to this one in Canberra, is planned for Ipswich.

Exclusive 'cult' about to change how families do grocery shopping

4800 homes to be built in massive new Coast estate

Masterplanned community full steam ahead - it's not Caloundra South

Open for inspection homes August 17 - 23

Check out this weekend's homes open for inspection.

Airbnb, Stayz and co tipped to squeeze Coast housing market

HOLIDAY BOOM: Airbnb letting is putting a further squeeze on long-term rentals.

Councils exploring options to manage the industry

How we got a rental straight away on the Coast

Rita and David Allara, moved down from Townsville, paid three months up front rent to secure the place at flash new unit block in Kings Beach.

Genius move helps secure rental property

Ready to SELL your property?

Post Your Ad Here!