Top bogan baby names for 2020 revealed
Bogan baby names are back for another year, and there are some absolute crackers on the list.
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BEST BOGAN NAMES FOR GIRLS
Karens everywhere have had a tough year. First the pandemic, and then the Karen memes. ALL of the Karen memes. But disguising "Karen" as "Carryn" doesn't fool anyone, mama. I know you've loved this moniker since childhood, but I really think you should let it go.
How did I manage to miss this wine-inspired epithet? I've chuckled at Shiraz, Chardonnay and Shardonné over the years, but I hadn't heard of Chablis until I met one in the flesh a few weeks ago. The only problem was that she didn't pronounce it "cha-BLEE" like the French wine region, but "TCHA-bliss". Oh boy, was it ever hard to contain my glee.
You knew there would be at least one virus-inspired name on this list, right? While there were countless ones to choose from, some of the other appellations - such as Covid, Lockdown and Sanitiser - were used by parents in foreign countries who may have reasons I don't understand for choosing them. But Corona has had a boost in popularity the world over, so here she is in all her glory.
Even if you're a diehard Elvis fan, why would you want to name your child after his Memphis mansion? Wouldn't Grace, Priscilla or Lisa Marie do as a tribute? There are so many alternatives…
Honestlee, this hurts my head. I'm already not a huge fan of the next-gen virtue names, but a misspelt one to boot? I'm out.
According to the Hebrew Bible, Jezebel was one of the original bad girls. Trying to jazz up her name with a double "Z" and a modern "bella" ending is an odd choice in my books.
I get that 2020 is a strange year, but naming your daughter after a curse or a plague is probably not going to make things better. I'm not superstitious at all, but this is too much even for me.
The thing with choosing random foreign words as baby names because they sound cool is that sometimes their meanings aren't fit for a bubba. "Jumelle" means "twin girl" in French. Weird.
I was happy to note that there were fewer spelling massacres this year, but this butchering of "Chloe" nearly knocked me off my chair.
As you'll see in the boys' section, there's a real trend towards violent first names. I guess people are feeling tense about the year's events, but a wee baby girl called PISTOL? Come on, parentals. Just say no.
BEST BOGAN BABY NAMES FOR BOYS
Exhibit B on the dangerous weapons list. I was already mildly shocked when monikers such as Blaze and Diesel started appearing a few years ago, but these are next level. Do the owners have any choice but to become criminals? I mean, they can't exactly be schoolteachers or Supreme Court Justices.
Yeah, nah, not feeling it. Just because rapper Big Boi did it many years ago doesn't mean you should too. It's been well-established that celebrities are not a reputable resource for baby naming and this instance is no different.
This is another fantastic example of a foreign word that sounds cute but doesn't make any sense. It means "kitten" in French for crying out loud! Name your son Chaton and he's guaranteed to change it to Axe or Blade when he's old enough.
Or maybe Chaton will opt for Dagger. WTAH. DAGGER. Does anyone else have stabby mental images right now? Shudder. Imagine a teensy-weensy baby wearing a 0000 onesie called Dagger. It's absurd.
In addition to weapon names, there also seems to be an animal theme this year. Back in my day, a boy named Jaguar would have been teased right off the playground. Have times changed enough for a Jaguar to be embraced? I honestly don't know, but I certainly hope so for poor Jaggy's sake.
Just when I thought the random insertion of X's and Y's into children's names was over, this little fella pops up. I'm fairly sure it's the first time I encounter this particular train wreck, but I can't be sure. All the Braxten/Jaydyn/J'zaydens of years past have melted into a big ugly puddle in my mind.
Hmmm, OK. We're over Kevin, so we're just going to swap in a "J"? May as well start naming children Febecca and Wavid then, hey?
Uroctonus mordax is otherwise known as the California forest scorpion. I don't mind a good old stinging insect, but I'm not sure it makes for a good baby name.
If you're going to choose a word that means "cool" for your kid, pick one that's more modern. How about Chillax, Chill AF or Awesomeballs? You're welcome!
Oh, I see what you did there! It's an onomatopoeia! The end of the word sounds like the growling of a tiger! Newsflash: Your kid will hate it. Change it now.
This article originally appeared on Kidspot and was reproduced with permission
Originally published as Top bogan baby names for 2020 revealed